(Part 2)
The past one hour passed into oblivion, the music doing her best to distract me from everything I was thinking before. It's in the second encore that I start getting nervous. Not that I wasn't nervous before. In 'Hurricane', that naked-twins were on stage and showed all their tricks to the audience, including Jared's help. When their hands roamed over his body my jealousy level reached it's limits and I was ready to scream. Thanks to the yoga lessons I took three years ago and helped me to control myself. But in this one my nerves reached every limit. I was sure that Natalie was going to be on stage for 'Kings & Queens' but I didn't expect her to be so close to Jared. I still can see her, even if there are lots of people on stage right now.
As the first notes of the song start to echo, I try to concentrate on the music and I just sink on my seat. Emma had already went to the other side of the stage to fix some things with the security and the people gathered there and I'm left alone with Daniel.
The first two minutes of the song pass by well until Daniel leaves to go outside. I'm left alone now and I don't know what to do so I stand up to scan the crowd. Everybody is going crazy as the guys are playing the chorus of the song for the second time and then pause. Now all of them are swaying right and left and my eyes search for the boys into the people on stage. I suddenly feel all the blood leaving my face when I spot Jared hugging Natalie by the shoulder and singing, his face turned to her. After a minute the blood that left my face returns and I feel the tears form now. I just stand there looking at everywhere and nowhere at the same time until the song comes to an end and pulls me from my thoughts once again.
The people on stage start clapping and I pull my phone out of my bag to check the clock. 2011 is coming in 20 minutes. I shove my phone in my bag again and before anybody returns to the side of the stage, I run to the nearest toilet. When I reach the door of the WC, I push it open and get in.
I lean over the sink and look at the mirror. The music outside stopped completely and the only thing I can hear is the buzz of all the people. I can feel my cheeks burn and my vision is blurry. Tears start to run down my face and this time I let them go on. I don't bother to rub my eyes so I can hide them, nobody's around anyway. My knees go weak and I fall down, crawling to the wall and resting with my back there. I keep crying and I try to muffle my sobs with my hand. All I can feel right now is my jealousy over Jared, over everything. I don't feel like this because I hate him. It's the first time I'm in love with somebody and know that I can't have him. This thing and only makes me feel so frustrated. If my whole business relationship with Jared started different, everything would be different right now. But you never can get what you want, right?
Suddenly the door swings open and I turn my head to look who is there. My eyes grow big like plates, Jared is at the other side of the small room, his hand already on his fly. When he averts his gaze from his pants, his eyes are searching around and then he spots me, sitting helpless on the floor. All I do is to lean down again, hiding my face so he can't see me crying, not that he didn't already. I shut my eyes tight and try to calm down, but it's useless. I can hear the rustling of clothes and a second later footsteps are coming closer to me. Jared leans down next to me, doing nothing, just staying there and probably looking at me. I wipe away my tears with the back of my hand and take a deep breath before I speak.
"I don't know if you saw it, but it's the women's restroom here."
My voice sounds hoarse and it's trembling, my head still hanging between my shoulders.
"I know, I just needed to-" I can see Jared kneeling next to me. "nevermind." he says and then a hand touches my shoulder, rubbing softly.
"Are you alright?" comes from his mouth and all I have to do is to shake my head negatively.
"Do I look like I'm alright?"
I turn up my head now looking in his eyes, not caring if he finds out anything or thinks that I'm stupid. More tears roll down my face and I furiously try to wipe them. Jared looks at me in worry, his mouth closed tight in a straight line. We stare at each other for a minute without saying anything. This silence is killing me. I drop my head again and start crying, this time sobbing a little. Jared's hand lifts my head again and he looks me in the eye, his own eyes full of worry.
"I don't know what happened and maybe it's not my business, but if you want to talk just say it, I'm here."
With his words I grab his shirt in my fists and start crying harder. He cradles my head and hugs me, one of his hands rubbing my back as he's trying to calm me down.
"Cry, let it all out, I'll be there."
I keep crying for I don't know how long. It's probably around five minutes, but it seems like a whole century to me. The way he treats me right now really relaxes me. Now I think, should I really let it out and tell him everything or should I keep crying and keep it to myself? I finally choose to do the second, but minutes later my sobs stop and I don't cry anymore.
Jared pulls me back and when I open my eyes they land on his shirt, a black stain has formed there, a pink-red one a bit lower. I crack a little smile for a second and look at him this time.
"I think I ruined your shirt..." and I point to the stains.
He just laughs softly and shrugs.
"It was already ruined, no worries. How are you feeling?"
"I'm better."
He stands up and reaches for some toilet paper, then he hands it to me.
"Clean yourself, stand up and let's go outside, the new year is close."
"Alright."
I take the paper he gives me and he helps me stand up on my feet. I look at the mirror and bring the paper closer to my face, trying to fix my make up. Not that it's possible right now, but I try to do my best. I can feel his eyes on me and that's when I feel the inner weight I have getting heavier. I look to my right through the mirror and I see Jared leaning against the wall, hands crossed, his eyes looking into mine in the mirror. I turn my attention to my ruined make up, trying to remain as calm as I can. When I'm finished I throw the toilet paper in the rubbish bin and turn to Jared. He still looks at me in worry.
"You sure you're okay?"
"I'm fine, really." a half smile forms my lips.
Jared smiles back to me and goes to the door. I expected to be out of this place in a second, but Jared stills, holding the door handle. He pushes it down again and pulls the door, but still nothing, the door remains closed. He tries again and again but the door is still closed. He turns to me and looks me in the eye, my eyes searching his own.
"I don't know what happened, but the door doesn't open."
"Did you lock when you entered?"
"No, there's no key."
I go to the door and try to open it again, but still nothing happens. I turn to him again, his expresion matching mine. We're both in worry right now. I sight and walk to rest against the wall. I cross my arms over my chest and I watch as Jared leans over the sink. In a second he's up again, hitting the door and yelling for help. He does that for a minute but we get no response. I wonder where the hell are they all?
"I don't want to overthink, but is there any chance that they left?"
"No way, they can't leave without us."
"Then why nobody helps in here? There were lots of people here, where did they go?"
He shrugs and hits the door again, screaming one more time. Probably nobody heard him. He hits his fist against the door one last time and then leans against it, turning to face me. We look at each other in silence until he opens his mouth to speak.
"Let's take it as a kind of adventure. We're gonna change the year in here."
I could laugh at him right now, but I'm not. I just look at him. We're locked in a room that can barely fit four people. Alone. Plus, I'm claustrophobic. I don't know what makes me nervous right now. The fact that I have claustrophobia or the fact that I'm locked somewhere with him? I sight once again and lean further against the wall.
"I guess there are a few minutes left."
Jared just shrugs and starts pacing around. The silence makes me more nervous and I decide that it's time to break it.
"Jay?"
"Yeah?" he turns to me with a questioning look on his face.
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"What you did. I thought you were going to think that I'm a crazy, stupid girl who cries with no reason."
"I still believe that. But only the 'no-reason' part. You didn't tell me something."
Silence.
"I mean, I don't find you neither crazy or stupid. And you don't have to explain me if you don't want to. And you're a woman.
I can see it in front of me." his eyes roam over my body.
I feel my cheeks turning red as I blush but I don't care right now.
"Whatever. Thank you. Again."
"Nevermind. Whatever you want, I'm here. Keep it in mind."
I move from my position and walk towards him. When I'm in front of him I stop, looking in his eyes for permission before I open my arms and hug him. I can feel us swing right and left until my own back touches the door. We pull back from the hug at the same time, smiling at each other.
Suddenly I hear voices shouting. 'Ten, nine, eight-'
"It's a countdown!" I turn to say to Jared. He just nods and stares at the door. '-four, three-'
"At least somebody is here" I say again.
"Yeah, thank god."
'-two, one-' my eyes lock with Jared's and we both stare at eachother.
'HAPPY NEW YEAR' I can hear the people outside saying out loud, laughs and noise filling the whole place. We still stare at each other and we smile, finally some happiness in this room. Jared comes closer to me and I can feel my knees going weak. He touches my arm lightly and I gaze in his eyes.
"Happy New Year, Emma." he says in a low voice, a bit louder than a whisper.
"Happy New Year, Jared." I say and I think I will loose my breath.
He leans closer, just an inch between our faces. He still looks in my eyes, his blue ones making my heart skip a beat.
I feel like this silence lasts for years but it's just a couple of seconds until he leans closer and closes the distance between us. When his lips touch mine my eyes slip closed and I'm lost then. They're so soft and sweet that I think I will faint just from this little kiss. It lasted only a minute, even if I thought a whole century passed.
He pulls back and I just stay there, eyes closed, my lips slightly parted. When I open my eyes, I find him just a hair away from me, his eyes searching mine. He suddenly steps back and cold air hits my body.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"
He starts talking but I take a step closer to him and put my finger in front of his lips. I lock eyes with him.
"Shh... Just shut up and do it again."
He complies and a minute later his lips are on mine again. They just touch mine at first but then I slightly part my lips and he starts kissing me for real now. Everything is slow and sweet, his right hand travelling to my waist, his left one holding my face. I put one hand on his shoulder and the other on his face as he keeps kissing me. I have to pinch myself to see if this is real. But I'm convinced when his tongue caresses my bottom lip lightly, as if asking for permission to enter my mouth. I part my lips more and his tongue takes possession, caressing my own. I catch my self sighting when this happens and I feel a small smile forming Jared's lips. We keep kissing until we're both out of breath and we have to pull back. Then, we just stare at each other, a smile in our faces, still holding one another. We stand there in silence for some minutes until Jared speaks.
"Well, that was good."
"Indeed."
"You're a nice kisser, girl!"
His eyes lit up and I smile wider, blushing once again.
"You're not bad for yourself." I turn back and giggle.
Jared frowns at my statement and then raises a brow.
"Do you mean something?" he says and grins. I start laughing harder.
"Of course not."
"It seems like you did. You mean that I don't kiss well?"
"No."
"Do you?"
"NO!" I say as he starts tickling me lightly. He tries to pull me close to him but I push him back as much as I can.
"Okay! Stop it now."
"No, I think I have to show you so you remember."
And his lips are on mine again, moving in rythm this time. His tongue is fighting with mine but I let him win and hug him closer.
A knock on the door interrupts us and we pull back, staring at eachother in shock. I take my hands from his body and try to speak, still shocked.
"Clean your face quickly, you're all smudged with my lipstick." I say as fast and low as I can and Jared nods, grabbing some toilet paper and cleaning his face. I turn to the door and start yelling for help, hitting my fists. Suddenly the door swings open, making me step behind and almost fall but thank god Jared is there and helps me keep my balance. I look at the doorway to see a worried Emma and a worried Tim looking to us. We just stay there and look at them like we saw zombies. Tim is the one to start speaking.
"What are you doing here?"
I stare at him and try to speak but all I do is to run out the toilet to get some fresh air. Tim catches me and holds me still, looking in my eyes.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah. Just... I need some air."
He reaches out and hugs me but I remain still, looking at Jared behind Tim's shoulder. I can see a bit of envy in his eyes but I'm not sure. Emma asks Jared what happened and he starts explaining everything to her. I pull back from Tim's hug and complete Jared in some details. After we've said what we said there's an awkward silence. I clear my throat.
"I think we should go."
"Yeah, we need to head back to the hotel." Jared says and starts to leave.
Emma grabs his arm, making him get back in and pushes him to the sink. She points at the stains in Jared's shirt, visible though the white fabric, and I feel all blood leaving my face.
"What's that?"
Jared looks at me and I stare back in worry, waiting for his answer.
"Erm... We had an accident. I'll explain to you later."
I leave a sight and turn to Tim. He holds out my bag, which he probably found before. I take it and then take his hand in mine, holding it and smiling up to him. Tim leans to whisper to my ear.
"What about the thing we talked about before? Do you feel alright?"
"I'm kinda tired to tell the truth. Can we just go and lay to bed?"
"Whatever you want."
He leans down then and pecks my lips. My eyes stay glued on Jared who is talking with Emma right now. Tim pulls my hand and I take step after step, leaving the building and everything that happened tonight behind me. I still can't get out of my mind those minutes with Jared in the toilet. My only hope is that 2011 is going to be nice because I can't suppose if it started good or bad.
The past one hour passed into oblivion, the music doing her best to distract me from everything I was thinking before. It's in the second encore that I start getting nervous. Not that I wasn't nervous before. In 'Hurricane', that naked-twins were on stage and showed all their tricks to the audience, including Jared's help. When their hands roamed over his body my jealousy level reached it's limits and I was ready to scream. Thanks to the yoga lessons I took three years ago and helped me to control myself. But in this one my nerves reached every limit. I was sure that Natalie was going to be on stage for 'Kings & Queens' but I didn't expect her to be so close to Jared. I still can see her, even if there are lots of people on stage right now.
As the first notes of the song start to echo, I try to concentrate on the music and I just sink on my seat. Emma had already went to the other side of the stage to fix some things with the security and the people gathered there and I'm left alone with Daniel.
The first two minutes of the song pass by well until Daniel leaves to go outside. I'm left alone now and I don't know what to do so I stand up to scan the crowd. Everybody is going crazy as the guys are playing the chorus of the song for the second time and then pause. Now all of them are swaying right and left and my eyes search for the boys into the people on stage. I suddenly feel all the blood leaving my face when I spot Jared hugging Natalie by the shoulder and singing, his face turned to her. After a minute the blood that left my face returns and I feel the tears form now. I just stand there looking at everywhere and nowhere at the same time until the song comes to an end and pulls me from my thoughts once again.
The people on stage start clapping and I pull my phone out of my bag to check the clock. 2011 is coming in 20 minutes. I shove my phone in my bag again and before anybody returns to the side of the stage, I run to the nearest toilet. When I reach the door of the WC, I push it open and get in.
I lean over the sink and look at the mirror. The music outside stopped completely and the only thing I can hear is the buzz of all the people. I can feel my cheeks burn and my vision is blurry. Tears start to run down my face and this time I let them go on. I don't bother to rub my eyes so I can hide them, nobody's around anyway. My knees go weak and I fall down, crawling to the wall and resting with my back there. I keep crying and I try to muffle my sobs with my hand. All I can feel right now is my jealousy over Jared, over everything. I don't feel like this because I hate him. It's the first time I'm in love with somebody and know that I can't have him. This thing and only makes me feel so frustrated. If my whole business relationship with Jared started different, everything would be different right now. But you never can get what you want, right?
Suddenly the door swings open and I turn my head to look who is there. My eyes grow big like plates, Jared is at the other side of the small room, his hand already on his fly. When he averts his gaze from his pants, his eyes are searching around and then he spots me, sitting helpless on the floor. All I do is to lean down again, hiding my face so he can't see me crying, not that he didn't already. I shut my eyes tight and try to calm down, but it's useless. I can hear the rustling of clothes and a second later footsteps are coming closer to me. Jared leans down next to me, doing nothing, just staying there and probably looking at me. I wipe away my tears with the back of my hand and take a deep breath before I speak.
"I don't know if you saw it, but it's the women's restroom here."
My voice sounds hoarse and it's trembling, my head still hanging between my shoulders.
"I know, I just needed to-" I can see Jared kneeling next to me. "nevermind." he says and then a hand touches my shoulder, rubbing softly.
"Are you alright?" comes from his mouth and all I have to do is to shake my head negatively.
"Do I look like I'm alright?"
I turn up my head now looking in his eyes, not caring if he finds out anything or thinks that I'm stupid. More tears roll down my face and I furiously try to wipe them. Jared looks at me in worry, his mouth closed tight in a straight line. We stare at each other for a minute without saying anything. This silence is killing me. I drop my head again and start crying, this time sobbing a little. Jared's hand lifts my head again and he looks me in the eye, his own eyes full of worry.
"I don't know what happened and maybe it's not my business, but if you want to talk just say it, I'm here."
With his words I grab his shirt in my fists and start crying harder. He cradles my head and hugs me, one of his hands rubbing my back as he's trying to calm me down.
"Cry, let it all out, I'll be there."
I keep crying for I don't know how long. It's probably around five minutes, but it seems like a whole century to me. The way he treats me right now really relaxes me. Now I think, should I really let it out and tell him everything or should I keep crying and keep it to myself? I finally choose to do the second, but minutes later my sobs stop and I don't cry anymore.
Jared pulls me back and when I open my eyes they land on his shirt, a black stain has formed there, a pink-red one a bit lower. I crack a little smile for a second and look at him this time.
"I think I ruined your shirt..." and I point to the stains.
He just laughs softly and shrugs.
"It was already ruined, no worries. How are you feeling?"
"I'm better."
He stands up and reaches for some toilet paper, then he hands it to me.
"Clean yourself, stand up and let's go outside, the new year is close."
"Alright."
I take the paper he gives me and he helps me stand up on my feet. I look at the mirror and bring the paper closer to my face, trying to fix my make up. Not that it's possible right now, but I try to do my best. I can feel his eyes on me and that's when I feel the inner weight I have getting heavier. I look to my right through the mirror and I see Jared leaning against the wall, hands crossed, his eyes looking into mine in the mirror. I turn my attention to my ruined make up, trying to remain as calm as I can. When I'm finished I throw the toilet paper in the rubbish bin and turn to Jared. He still looks at me in worry.
"You sure you're okay?"
"I'm fine, really." a half smile forms my lips.
Jared smiles back to me and goes to the door. I expected to be out of this place in a second, but Jared stills, holding the door handle. He pushes it down again and pulls the door, but still nothing, the door remains closed. He tries again and again but the door is still closed. He turns to me and looks me in the eye, my eyes searching his own.
"I don't know what happened, but the door doesn't open."
"Did you lock when you entered?"
"No, there's no key."
I go to the door and try to open it again, but still nothing happens. I turn to him again, his expresion matching mine. We're both in worry right now. I sight and walk to rest against the wall. I cross my arms over my chest and I watch as Jared leans over the sink. In a second he's up again, hitting the door and yelling for help. He does that for a minute but we get no response. I wonder where the hell are they all?
"I don't want to overthink, but is there any chance that they left?"
"No way, they can't leave without us."
"Then why nobody helps in here? There were lots of people here, where did they go?"
He shrugs and hits the door again, screaming one more time. Probably nobody heard him. He hits his fist against the door one last time and then leans against it, turning to face me. We look at each other in silence until he opens his mouth to speak.
"Let's take it as a kind of adventure. We're gonna change the year in here."
I could laugh at him right now, but I'm not. I just look at him. We're locked in a room that can barely fit four people. Alone. Plus, I'm claustrophobic. I don't know what makes me nervous right now. The fact that I have claustrophobia or the fact that I'm locked somewhere with him? I sight once again and lean further against the wall.
"I guess there are a few minutes left."
Jared just shrugs and starts pacing around. The silence makes me more nervous and I decide that it's time to break it.
"Jay?"
"Yeah?" he turns to me with a questioning look on his face.
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"What you did. I thought you were going to think that I'm a crazy, stupid girl who cries with no reason."
"I still believe that. But only the 'no-reason' part. You didn't tell me something."
Silence.
"I mean, I don't find you neither crazy or stupid. And you don't have to explain me if you don't want to. And you're a woman.
I can see it in front of me." his eyes roam over my body.
I feel my cheeks turning red as I blush but I don't care right now.
"Whatever. Thank you. Again."
"Nevermind. Whatever you want, I'm here. Keep it in mind."
I move from my position and walk towards him. When I'm in front of him I stop, looking in his eyes for permission before I open my arms and hug him. I can feel us swing right and left until my own back touches the door. We pull back from the hug at the same time, smiling at each other.
Suddenly I hear voices shouting. 'Ten, nine, eight-'
"It's a countdown!" I turn to say to Jared. He just nods and stares at the door. '-four, three-'
"At least somebody is here" I say again.
"Yeah, thank god."
'-two, one-' my eyes lock with Jared's and we both stare at eachother.
'HAPPY NEW YEAR' I can hear the people outside saying out loud, laughs and noise filling the whole place. We still stare at each other and we smile, finally some happiness in this room. Jared comes closer to me and I can feel my knees going weak. He touches my arm lightly and I gaze in his eyes.
"Happy New Year, Emma." he says in a low voice, a bit louder than a whisper.
"Happy New Year, Jared." I say and I think I will loose my breath.
He leans closer, just an inch between our faces. He still looks in my eyes, his blue ones making my heart skip a beat.
I feel like this silence lasts for years but it's just a couple of seconds until he leans closer and closes the distance between us. When his lips touch mine my eyes slip closed and I'm lost then. They're so soft and sweet that I think I will faint just from this little kiss. It lasted only a minute, even if I thought a whole century passed.
He pulls back and I just stay there, eyes closed, my lips slightly parted. When I open my eyes, I find him just a hair away from me, his eyes searching mine. He suddenly steps back and cold air hits my body.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"
He starts talking but I take a step closer to him and put my finger in front of his lips. I lock eyes with him.
"Shh... Just shut up and do it again."
He complies and a minute later his lips are on mine again. They just touch mine at first but then I slightly part my lips and he starts kissing me for real now. Everything is slow and sweet, his right hand travelling to my waist, his left one holding my face. I put one hand on his shoulder and the other on his face as he keeps kissing me. I have to pinch myself to see if this is real. But I'm convinced when his tongue caresses my bottom lip lightly, as if asking for permission to enter my mouth. I part my lips more and his tongue takes possession, caressing my own. I catch my self sighting when this happens and I feel a small smile forming Jared's lips. We keep kissing until we're both out of breath and we have to pull back. Then, we just stare at each other, a smile in our faces, still holding one another. We stand there in silence for some minutes until Jared speaks.
"Well, that was good."
"Indeed."
"You're a nice kisser, girl!"
His eyes lit up and I smile wider, blushing once again.
"You're not bad for yourself." I turn back and giggle.
Jared frowns at my statement and then raises a brow.
"Do you mean something?" he says and grins. I start laughing harder.
"Of course not."
"It seems like you did. You mean that I don't kiss well?"
"No."
"Do you?"
"NO!" I say as he starts tickling me lightly. He tries to pull me close to him but I push him back as much as I can.
"Okay! Stop it now."
"No, I think I have to show you so you remember."
And his lips are on mine again, moving in rythm this time. His tongue is fighting with mine but I let him win and hug him closer.
A knock on the door interrupts us and we pull back, staring at eachother in shock. I take my hands from his body and try to speak, still shocked.
"Clean your face quickly, you're all smudged with my lipstick." I say as fast and low as I can and Jared nods, grabbing some toilet paper and cleaning his face. I turn to the door and start yelling for help, hitting my fists. Suddenly the door swings open, making me step behind and almost fall but thank god Jared is there and helps me keep my balance. I look at the doorway to see a worried Emma and a worried Tim looking to us. We just stay there and look at them like we saw zombies. Tim is the one to start speaking.
"What are you doing here?"
I stare at him and try to speak but all I do is to run out the toilet to get some fresh air. Tim catches me and holds me still, looking in my eyes.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah. Just... I need some air."
He reaches out and hugs me but I remain still, looking at Jared behind Tim's shoulder. I can see a bit of envy in his eyes but I'm not sure. Emma asks Jared what happened and he starts explaining everything to her. I pull back from Tim's hug and complete Jared in some details. After we've said what we said there's an awkward silence. I clear my throat.
"I think we should go."
"Yeah, we need to head back to the hotel." Jared says and starts to leave.
Emma grabs his arm, making him get back in and pushes him to the sink. She points at the stains in Jared's shirt, visible though the white fabric, and I feel all blood leaving my face.
"What's that?"
Jared looks at me and I stare back in worry, waiting for his answer.
"Erm... We had an accident. I'll explain to you later."
I leave a sight and turn to Tim. He holds out my bag, which he probably found before. I take it and then take his hand in mine, holding it and smiling up to him. Tim leans to whisper to my ear.
"What about the thing we talked about before? Do you feel alright?"
"I'm kinda tired to tell the truth. Can we just go and lay to bed?"
"Whatever you want."
He leans down then and pecks my lips. My eyes stay glued on Jared who is talking with Emma right now. Tim pulls my hand and I take step after step, leaving the building and everything that happened tonight behind me. I still can't get out of my mind those minutes with Jared in the toilet. My only hope is that 2011 is going to be nice because I can't suppose if it started good or bad.
