Chapter 4: Confessions

My back aches and my feet hurt when we arrive at the hotel after the gig. I go sit in one of the couches in the lobby while Emma and Jared are checking the reservations. I rest my head in my hands and sight deeply. "Tired?" I hear a voice telling me. I lift my head and see Jared standing in front of me. I sight again and now he drops to his knees. He shakes his head and says "Look, you're going to stay with somebody else and since me and Shannon have a bigger room, it's your choice who you want to stay with."
I look at him confused. Why I have to be the one to loose the room and stay with another? Why couldn't be Emma or someone else? "Tell me something, why does it have to be me to stay with someone else?"
"You're the last reservation we made in this hotel, that's why."
"Oh thank you for leaving me last!"
"Is this your problem right now, really? Look kiddo, decide what you do because we need to head to our floor, ok?" he says, probably annoyed by my attitude. I look at him angrily as I try to decide. If I stay with him the only sure thing is that we're gonna fight all night long. But if I go with Shannon, at least I'll be with my friend and have some fun before sleep. The problem with Shannon is that he admitted that he likes me, so it would be a matter of minutes to throw me on his bed. I try to soften my expression and clear my throat as I still look at Jared. "Well mister, I think you're the luckiest man in the world." I say sarcastically. He frowns a little and his eyes flash. "And why so?" he says with his voice dropped some octabes lower. If I didn't know that he changes this fast, I would say that he intimidates me. I smirk at him before I speak "Because I'm gonna be your guest for the next two days. Lucky man." I say, my smirk spreaded all over my face and stand up with another word from him, heading towards the others.


~~~


I just close my eyes when I hear a door closing. It's the fifth time that I'm ready to sleep but something interrupts me from my action. I sit up on the sofa-bed and push the sheets aside so I can stand up. I need to go to the bathroom. I'm so sleepy that I enter Jared's place without asking him if I can. When I realize it, I turn my head to look around the room so I can find Jared. And there he is. Digging around his suitcase to find a t-shirt probably, as he is only in his sweatpants. I clear my throat so he can notice me and he turns around with a t-shirt in his hand.
"What?"
"Do you need the bathroom? I mean, can I use it?"
I can hear him chuckle as I say that, which annoys me a little.
"What's so funny?"
"If you're in the verge of pissing in a public place you would ask the others if they wanted to use the restroom?"
"No, but in this case I just wanted to be polite. And because I see you pissing around the room..." I say and enter the bathroom, closing the door behind me with a loud thud. In times like this I really want to kill this man. He's so frustrating. He changes like a chameleon. From being good and happy with everyone he can be a totally annoying bastard in a matter of seconds. But I should be ok with that, he'll always be like this. Shannon is the only person who makes him comortable, that's what I learned in these 5 months of being on tour with the band.

When I get out of the bathroom Jared is nowhere to be seen. I walk towards the other room and see him sitting in my sofa-bed, fully dressed and looking to the opposite wall. I clear my throat and he turns his head, looking me from head to toe. That's when I remember what I'm wearing. Just an over-sized t-shirt and shorts. And they probably climbed too high in my legs. I feel all the blood coming up in my face and blush, tugging nervously at my shorts. He chuckles and I can say that he looked at me like meat just to intimidate me. He does that a lot lately. I sit down next to him, trying to keep some distance and tugging again at my shorts.
"You know, they're not gonna get longer to cover you..." he says and a smirk marks his lips.
"What do you want?" comes out of my mouth colder than I imagined.
"Ehmmm... Sorry about before. I know you think I'm a jerk."
"No I don't. I'm sure about it."
"Well ok, I've been told like this a lot of times, it's fine. It's just that I can't get used to you wondering around."
"I don't wonder around. I work too, you know."
He gets closer to me and suddenly I feel nervous again. I get even more nervous when his hand reaches for mine and takes it.
"Look, I really had no intentions on making you hate me. Because you do, I know you do. Just..." he leaves his voice trail of and I wonder were is this going. He never came to talk to me like that. He never came to talk to me at all, except it was something professional. I try to wrap my mind and shake his hand lightly.
"Yes..?"
"I want to make it up to you. I mean, you work your ass off for six months now and I never thanked you about it. I think I really have to make it up to you. You are a part of this crazy ordeal and if it wasn't you god knows if anything was going to be fine."

He really caught me off guard. I never expected something like this. And for once he admitted I was part of this 'family' he created with his band mates. I suddenly feel all the tension leaving my body and I become more relaxed, a smile crossing my face.
"You don't have to thank me or make it up to me. That I'm here, having a job I'm payed for and enjoying every part of it, is enough for me. That for this one time you seem to respect me is enough."
He frowns a little at my last comment, which has my smile fade. "I was just joking. But thanks for telling me whatever you said." I say immediately. He smiles slightly and holds my hand stronger.
"I want you to be sure that you count as a family member now. I see you have the best relationships with all the crew and you're willing to help everybody. I appreciate it very much..." he pauses and I can see that he tries to say something to me that he never said. "And I'm sorry about being a total asshole to you. I try not to be like that with each new crew member but it seems I fail every time."
I chuckle a little with his last words and pat his back with my free hand. "It's ok, I've got used to it now. But let me ask you something. Why all this 'confession-thing' tonight?" I say, not regretting about asking him what I just asked.
He shakes his head and sights, then turns his head to look in my eyes. "It's because it's the only time I had the chance. I mean, I never have time with this kind of talks, just now. Since you're here, I thought it was a good chance." he says and turns his head to look to the opposite wall again. "Ok then, it was good to talk with you about something that has not to do with work." The words slip from my lips in almost a whisper and I hear him chuckle. "Yes, it was indeed good." he says and pulls me in his arms, hugging me briefly. I don't realize when this happened and I just smile back to him when he pulls back from the embrace.

"Sleep tight Emma, tomorrow it's a new day." he says as he goes to his room, leaving me sitting there motionless. When I hear his sight as he falls to the bed I say in a low voice "Goodnight Jared." and I'm sure that he couldn't hear it. "Thank you." I hear from the other side of the wall and blush a little. I lie down on the sofa-bed, pulling the sheet over my body and turn to my side, facing outside the wall-length window, the lights dancing in the dark sky. My mind works on many different scenarios about Jared's behavior today, how he could change like a chameleon not only in his apperance, but his behavior to. That more I think, the more my lids get heavier and I drift to a peacefull sleep finally.